Finding My Voice

Finding my voice was not a simple journey—it meant facing the relentless, shaming thoughts that echoed in my mind and choosing not to let them define me. I spent a year working with a skilled counselor, slowly learning to unravel the tangled messages of shame and self-doubt. My path also led me to a Healing Trauma Workshop, an immersive therapy retreat stripped of distractions—no phones, cars, or televisions. Instead, I found myself sharing a room with strangers and engaging deeply with my emotions during an intense week of group therapy. The experience was far from a traditional retreat; it was a crucible for healing and self-discovery.

During the workshop, a transformative realization emerged: I had spent much of my life believing that my value was negotiable, dictated by others and shaped by the circumstances of my upbringing. Despite knowing scripture, I still couldn’t recognize my own worth through God’s eyes. My understanding of faith had always felt detached from my sense of self—until, in the midst of my struggle, God spoke to me through the very words I had memorized. For the first time, scripture became a living voice, challenging the narrative of worthlessness I had internalized.

Each morning at the workshop, before the sun rose, I would take my bible and notebook and go for a walk. In those quiet moments, I prayed, processed the revelations from my therapy sessions, and poured my thoughts onto the page. One morning, I wrote a poem—a piece that would later find its way into my blog and devotional. The phrase “just as I am” echoed in my heart, cracking the wall I had built to conceal my true value. Through that crack, God’s light found its way in, beginning the process of healing. The critical words of my mother still played in my mind, alongside the confused voice of my childhood self, desperately seeking understanding. Recognizing this internal struggle helped me understand why I had suffered from suicidal thoughts. I had believed I had no value.

But God revealed a deeper truth to me: He established my purpose long before I was conceived. He knew me, saw me, and chose me. On the final night of the workshop, I stood before a large group and confronted the false narrative I had carried for so long. In its place, I embraced a new understanding—I had tue value, no matter what others said or thought.

This realization brought profound healing and gave me the courage to establish boundaries in my life. No longer would I allow others to speak poorly to me or let shame dictate my worth. The process was gradual; it didn’t happen overnight. But God continued to pour truth into the spaces where shame had taken root, uprooting the lies and replacing them with messages of love and acceptance. I finally understood the calling to write my story: a shame-based identity will always lose when a Christ-based identity takes its place. As a child, I had accepted my mother’s words, “I asked for it,” but God answered with clarity: “No, you didn’t—and I loved you through it.”

His love carried me through life’s darkest moments. Writing about my story has been difficult, especially when shame echoed my mother’s words and threatened to silence me. But God’s desire for me was not silence. Acts 18:9-10 reminds us, “Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. For I am with you.” This scripture now become my anchor, urging me to speak, to share, and to refuse to let shame have the final word.

If you’re reading this, I invite you to examine your own life. Where might shame be holding you back from finding your voice? Can you recognize shame’s voice?  What messages have you internalized that prevent you from seeing your worth? Take a moment to reflect, journal, and pray. Healing begins when you recognize the lies of shame and replace them with truth—your story matters, your voice deserves to be heard, and your worth is not up for debate.

This represents me finding the voice God gifted me