A Willing Spirit Within

Sometimes, the greatest barrier to change isn’t our circumstances—it’s the quiet resistance within us, the unwilling spirit that drags its feet when our hearts know what needs to be done. Whether it’s tackling a dreaded chore, stepping out in faith, or pursuing healing, we all face moments when motivation falters and our spirit simply refuses to move forward. What do we do when our hearts need renewal, but our will just isn’t willing?

spirit has been unmotivated when I feel things are a chore. I hate cleaning; in fact, it’s the one chore I just can’t seem to get motivated to do. Growing up, we only did a frantic, last-minute tidy-up when company was coming—usually by grabbing things and shoving them into the closet or back into the dryer until later. We also had a maid when I was very young, who acted as my after-school “sitter.” Because of that, I never really learned how to keep things consistently organized and pulled together. Much like my struggle with cleaning, David faced his own internal battles.

David, too, had issues in his household—his home and heart were damaged because his motivations were misplaced. Nathan’s story opened David’s eyes to the truth: he was the man who had done wrong. This realization led him to write my favorite Psalm, one that continues to speak powerfully to many corners of my heart.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.” Psalm 51:10, 12 ESV

These verses especially resonate with me today as I spend time reflecting on Psalm 51 this week. For the past year, I’ve struggled to find a willing spirit in myself. When my devotional was released, I was initially excited, but my motivation faded when it came to marketing. I reached out to two places to ask about carrying the book, but the conversations felt awkward. Instead of persevering, I started telling myself that if God wanted the book to be found, He’d make it happen without my effort. Deep down, I was testing God, expecting Him to market for me—an attitude I now see wasn’t right. I had written a book inspired by His words, but I wasn’t willing to do the practical work He’d called me to do.

When David prayed, he asked God to create, renew, restore, and uphold his heart and spirit so that he could teach others about God’s ways. His purpose, as stated in verse 13, was “so sinners will return to You.” David wanted to turn from a wrong mindset so he could help others discover the God he loved and served. I relate to that desire for transformation and purpose in my own journey.

Ultimately, my goal isn’t book sales or recognition—it’s sharing the hope I’ve found so others can experience healing too. My morning prayers often begin with “create” and end with “so that sinners will return to You.” The joy I want to share isn’t about numbers or public approval; it’s the quiet, internal joy that’s grown in me as I’ve found healing from lifelong trauma and shame.

If you’re searching for that same quiet joy, let me tell you about my Jesus. He meets us right where we are—no matter how messy life feels or how heavy the burdens we carry. You don’t have to have it all together or even know where to start; simply come with an open heart and a willingness to discover His love. If you’re longing for peace, healing, and renewal, I invite you to take that first step alongside me.

Excitement grew and then faded because my spirit was not willing