There are times I cringe at the words that come out of my mouth. You too? Why is it when we try so hard, we end up cringing?
Psalm 34:1-3 I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad. Oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together!"
This was my scripture reading for today. The first verse humbled me. I find it hard to remember to Bless the Lord most days much less at all times. But if HIS praises were in mouth continually, then there would be no room for any other kind of words. Old habits die hard especially for me. When my actions or words cause me to cringe, then my Shame Monster, Sebastian, gets all happy.
Yes, I have a little shame monster. I have stopped calling the negative tape that plays in my head a "tape", but rather a monster. He may be tiny, but his shadow is monsterous. Shame loves to keep us either rooted in the past or disgraced (and sometimes both). It uses every trick in the book to cause us to shrink and isolate. My words can be glorious and uplifting for God's purpose. But they can also be destructive to God's kingdom.
The words I choose to use are not rooted in gossip, but cursed words. Some of those cursed words stem from unforgivness, while others were taught at an early age. I try to overcome them, but because I am continually thinking "don't use them" they find themselves where they want to be, out in the open. And I find myself cringing, ashamed of my words, filled with shame because I am "stupid". (Side note, "stupid" is Sebastian's favorite word because it inflicts the most pain and silences me.)
Psalm 34:4-6 "I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles."
Rather than continuing to beat myself up, as is my norm, scriptures says to seek the Lord. I should turn to Him to for forgiveness. When I turn to Him for my words, for forgiveness, and for any and all my needs, then I shall be radiant. When I take my eyes off of Him, then I am ashamed (guilty) )and filled with shame (made to feel I am wrong, not my actions but me). The shadow of that shame casts a large dark cloud all around me. But rays of HIS light shall disperse the darkness, which make me radiant.
I can sigh a sigh of pure relief, which turns into JOY...God is SO good, He is SO SO good to me. When you find yourself cringing, stop and start praising God for the forgiveness that comes when we turn to Him. He is listening.
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